By Joe Vickrey
Photos by Nick Nielson
The internet’s favorite cello and kazoo playing Goblin came to Provo to grace us with its majestic presence at Java Junkie last week. Rushadicus, who has over 334,000 Instagram followers, is typically known for videos displaying his goblin-like nature in unlikely public spots. Whether wrapped around a telephone pole or in a car wash, Rushadicus will scream, chug on the cello, and flutter tongue the kazoo often to the background of perplexed bystanders.
As soon as my friend Sam sent me the announcement, we knew we had to go… but even after following Rushadicus for over a year, neither of us knew what to expect from a live performance. When I tell you that this was hands down the craziest show that has ever happened or will ever happen at Java Junkie, believe me, this was 90 minutes of pure insanity. I knew there would be goblin antics, but to the extent they were performed, and the skill they were done with? Unbelievable.
Its goblin majesty began the set to the thunderous applause of a completely packed-out crowd of ecstatic goblin enthusiasts. Both layers of Java Junkie were filled to the brim. No seat was empty and no aisle clear. Immediately Rushadicus began with a furious and rampant cello run which dropped my jaw. I had no idea Rushadicus was so technically skilled. Quickly the goblin screaming and rapid-fire kazoo playing kicked in. Its energy was matched by the crowd.
Still on the first piece of music, it launched itself onto one of the tables and began instructing the crowd to feed it napkins (in goblin speak, of course) while it continued playing. I think this is the closest I’ve ever come to relating to a football fan watching a game-winning touchdown.
Within moments of eleven napkins being consumed, someone who seemed under the influence of multiple substances walked into Java Junkie, walked right up to the table Rushadicus stood on, and stared straight into its crazed expression. Rushadicus began screaming demented goblin talk at the awkward starer and proceeded to spit out napkins in their direction. Utterly terrified, the starer ran out. The crowd cheered even louder with the a roar of laughter.
Thinking it couldn’t get any better, we watched the goblin royalty jump around in a trash can, squirm under tables while lifting them with its head, hit itself in the head with a book, fight a child who came with a foam sword and shield, and wrap itself around the staircase pillars. Again, all of this happened while the music was still being performed. These weren’t antics in between songs, this may as well have been choreography to the soundtrack of the goblin legend. It was chaos. It was beautiful chaos.
From the high point of the railing on the second floor, Rushadicus spoke its only English words of the show, inciting a chant. “Stair snake! Stair snake!” Not once. Not twice. Not three times. Not four times, but FIVE TIMES it rolled down the stairs on his back while playing the cello and vocalizing. Then it had someone do a “reverse stair snake” by dragging it up the stairs. Then after pointing to the puller, it commanded, “YOU stair snake!” The chant resumed, and Rushadicus rode the man down the stairs. I couldn’t help but howl through this scene. It felt like an involuntary releasing of excitement.
While swinging its cello bow around, Rushadicus broke a light on the stage. Then picking up the glass (while still playing cello), cut its arm. Wiping the blood on the cello strings, it began licking the blood off which created a drone on the cello. It then vocalized a song while its tongue strummed the cello strings. This and one hundred other antics which I couldn’t fit into this write-up are what made the night so magical.
This feels like a good point to remind everyone that Java Junkie’s PA system broadcasts outside as well. Provo Center Street foot traffic looked in with amusement or horrified confusion with little in between. On occasion, Rushadicus would stare out the window at them and drool on itself, or run out and chase people down the street. Both options were delightful.
Having the crowd chant along gibberish, clap in 5/4 time, and join in the antics made this a must-see event. It was just so fun to be a part of the show, and at no point did I feel like I had any idea what would happen next.
The tail end of the performance featured Rushadicus stomping around on the ordering counter, throwing bags of chips to the audience, and guzzling hand sanitizer from the counter. Everyone behind the counter at Java Junkie was grinning ear to ear while it happened too. Somewhere between the distortion pedal cello and guttural goblin screams, was a universal joy from the children, teens, adults, and even the few seniors in attendance. Java Junkie was transformed into a medieval playground for an otherworldly creature to the delight of all. I’d just like to say on behalf of all who attended, thank Rushadicus. Thank you from the bottom of our goblin hearts.
If you missed out, you can follow Rushadicus, the infamous cello goblín from the land of sneth, on Instagram and hear their recordings on Bandcamp.